Got so inspired by my sister’s testimony that I thought its about time it goes beyond Facebook walls. Its about a powerful testimony on how God works MIRACULOUSLY in our lives. How God’s ways are far far higher than ours and how He uses what we think is “disappointment” in to the greatest thing that ever happened to us. Here’s her story.
Unfinal Title: When things didn’t go the way you planned it to.
This year has been soooooo rough for me. Goals were not met, plans were ruined and dreams were shattered. I was really really mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. As in pati pag hinga ayoko ng gawin. Char! Most of the people knew me as someone bubbly and someone strong kasi religious “daw” ako pero hindi nila alam, behind all the smiles and laughters, when all the lights are closed and stars are shining, I cry myself to sleep silently dealing with depression. I felt the pain inside me, yung tagos sa buto talaga na pain, yung pain na kahit lumaklak ka pa ng pain reliever hindi maalis yung sakit, yung pain na mas masakit pa sa heart broken—for the very first time in my life, I qustioned God, “Bakit ako?”, “Ganun ba ako ka-makasalanan na tao?”, “Hindi ko ba deserve yung blessing na yun?”, “Ano nalang sasabihin nila sakin?”, “Ano nalang iisipin ng relatives ko? na failure talaga ako?”, “Ginawa ko naman yung best ko eh!” Iyak lang ako ng iyak day and night at night and day. Everything just doesn’t make sense. Lahat na yata ng defense mechanism sa Pysch nagawa ko na para ma-cover yung pain na nafi-feel ko. Pero wala! Wala talaga! I felt hopeless, useless and all the -less you could think of. Tanging dasal nalang talaga ang kinakapitan ko, “Lord, help me. Save me. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko. Please make me understand why do I have to go through this such of pain. Give me the strength para lumaban pa and comfort kasi sobrang sakit talaga, hindi ko matanggap at hindi ko na maintindihan.”
And right then and there, God brought me out of that darkness. I felt comfort na hindi nabibigay ng kahit ano at kahit sino sa mundo. I felt peace in God’s love. Yung tipong pag gising ko sa umaga sobrang light ng pakiramdam ko. He assured me that He has a better plan for me than I have for myself. All I thought I was standing strong on Him because I know for myself that I have my 100% trust in Him but I was wrong. God knew deep down in my heart that I depended more on how the people around me would think of me more than I depended on what God has planned for me. He used that pain to put me in a Ministry where people loves Jesus more than life and that pain led me to the best people to trust as I strengthen my faith in Him and keep me grounded. Kaya pala God had to wreck my plans because it’s wrecking my life. I was so focused in my career wherein I should have focused first my life in Christ. I was leaning on what people would say about me more than I’m leaning on Him. I was somehow searching for the acceptance from the people around me and my identity wherein I can only find it in God alone. Only God can calm the storm inside you. Promise! It was God who brought me out of that darkness. Earthly things and the people we love can only bring a minimim pain relief and satisfaction, but with God, His love for us endures forever. So yes! After that tremendous storm in my life, I knew God molded me into somthing new, something better and in a new perspective. He reminded me that it’s not about my time, not about my plan, but His’. It’s not about my strength, my wisdom, my battle but His’. Life is all about Him and not me, not you, nor the people around you. It’s all about Him and giving Him all the glory and praises that He truly deserves.
Kaya I continued praying. I continued trusting that His ways are better than mine. His plans are better than my plans and His timing is never late because it is always perfect. So don’t you dare lose your faith in Him. Because when you have God in your life, you’ve got everything that you needed. (Cliché as you may think it sounds, but it’s not.) Just always remember that no matter what you go through in life, He loves you and will continue to love you no matter how or what the world defines you. He has a plan for your life. He has a purpose for everything. Don’t give up just because you don’t see anything happening today.
Maybe there is nothing physically happening that your eyes can see but I promise you, there is definitely something happening in the spiritual realm as you learn to rely on Christ alone. He did not die on the cross for you just for nothing, He died because that’s how much He loves you and me.
So, don’t let your emotions nor the people around you hinder you in fully trusting God’s goodness even in times of trial. There could be a time kasi na sasabihin ng mundo sayo na “sobrang bagal ng success mo sa buhay” or “supposed to be working ka na at this age pero nag aaral ka parin” or mas masaklap yung icocompare ka pa sa iba at sa mga anak anak nila, etc. I just want to remind you guys that “You are not on anyone’s time schedule nor your own schedule but on God alone.”
Just don’t let your waiting period make you hopeless in what God could bring for you tomorrow. Instead, take heart and make it build your faith and give you greater hope for what He has prepared for you. He will come through you just like He came through with your past. I assure you, He’s not deaf to your prayers nor blind to your constant tears. He knows you by name up to the number of strands of your hair. He knows what your heart desires and your needs. He will deliver it not according to your will, but according to His will for your life. Trust Him fully. Kasi totoo yung quote na, “If He’s making you ‘wait’ or saying ‘No’ today, it’s because he has a better ‘YES’ tomorrow.
So, I pray for the heart of whoever’s reading this and is going through a rocky journey. May God bless your heart to continue trust in His plan and timing in your life even when it doesn’t fit to yours. Know that God is with you always. For he said in His word that He will never leave you nor forsake you. And may the grace of the Lord be upon you, the strength and healing to endure this season of trial of your lives as you patiently wait on God’s purpose.
Kaya, tuloy ang laban. Tuloy ang buhay.
Took the board for the second time. And finally……. PASSED!
I’ve written this not because to show that I finally passed the board exam. (Humanly speaking, it could have been sweeter during my first take) But God made a twist and had to give me that trial not to boast about how I passed but to be His witness that in the midst of unbearable pain and hopelessness, God is still in control. He is still the same God yesterday, today, tomorrrow and to all the days of your lives. He is faithfull to His promise.
“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NLT
Ayun. Thank you for reading. God bless us all! 🙂
Special thanks to my family who have always been there to love and support me all the way Evelyn Cristoria Ong, Lito Ong, Christian Ong, Christine Bernadette Ong, Bona Santos Ong. To my second family, Chiong-Maganito clan, whom I considered and loved as my own, sobrang thank you po! Aj Maganito. And thank you as well to my College friends (katcjai), Victory group and Kids Ministry Team 4. I love you all from bottom of my pumping heart. Thank you for praying and standing with me in this journey. ❤️
To God be all the glory and Praises. 🙌🏼
Final Title: “We can make our plans but the Lord establishes our steps.” -Proverbs 16:9
-Christina Marie C. Ong, R.N